The Forgiveness Solution
By Philip H. Friedman, Ph.D.
Reviewed by John Freedom: Book Review editor for the Energy Field: the newsletter of the Association of Comprehensive Energy Therapy (ACEP) and Chair, ACEP Research Committee
“Historically, forgiveness has been addressed rather minimally and ineffectively in traditional therapies. We have always recognized that unforgiveness was a problem in human adjustment. But, we have tended largely to ignore it as a treatment issue. There are many reasons for such neglect……..” Larry Nims.
Another book on Forgiveness? If you’re anything like me, your reaction might be, “Ho hum, I know forgiveness can be powerful, for people who are angry, hostile or who hold onto grudges, and I certainly recommend it to my clients, but I already know about all that stuff, and I don’t need it personally……” WRONG! In a very systematic, yet personal way, Dr Philip Friedman leads us step by step through the process of who, why and how we need to practice forgiveness.
At the heart of this remarkable book likes the radical proposition that virtually all our psychological and emotional ills, including anxiety and addictions, anger, guilt and depression (and many physical issues as well!) are rooted in some form of unforgiveness. Forms of ‘unforgiveness’ include not only ‘attack thoughts’ such as judgments, criticisms and grievances, but also shoulds and expectations, comparisons and projections; any belief/attitude of non-acceptance towards another or oneself. If unforgiveness is the cause of unhappiness, then forgiveness is the cure.
The Forgiveness Solution draws from a broad palette of ideas and methods, including CBT, attitudinal healing, positive psychology, Energy Psychology and A Course In Miracles. After an introduction, Chapter 2 encourages the reader to complete some basic self-assessments, such as the Subjective Happiness Scale, the Satisfaction With Life Scale, the Gratitude Questionnaire and the Heartland Forgiveness Scale. Friedman then guides the reader through the steps of identifying specifically whom they have felt harmed by, discovering the hurt underlying the unforgiveness, identifying grievances, ‘attack thoughts,’ and old tapes, and then choosing to embark on the “Path of Transformational Forgiveness.”
But this is more than just a book on forgiveness. Like a workbook, it contains numerous exercises guiding readers to examine, explore and transform their attitudes and perceptions. There are chapters on both using affirmations in forgiveness work, and on what Friedman calls ‘affOrmations’, interrogative statements assuming a certain (positive) experience has occurred, asking WHY it occurred. Especially heartwarming are the stories and case histories of redemption and healing interwoven throughout. There are also sections on using guided imagery, forgiveness with relationship issues, ‘cutting energetic cords,’ transpersonal techniques, and more. What began as an apparently simple exercise of forgiving another, can turn into a major attitudinal and spiritual overhaul.
A couple chapters are devoted to ‘Energetic Forgiveness,’ which is the application of EP techniques (which Friedman calls “Positive Pressure Point Techniques”) in the service of Forgiveness. Very often, even when we want to forgive and ‘let go,’ we are unable to. This is often the case when emotional hurt or trauma underlies the anger/grievance we feel towards another. Tapping on this underlying trauma releases the hurt and pain, and releases both the ‘stuck’ energy and the fear that it might happen again, opening the way energetically for forgiveness to occur spontaneously.
Friedman sees forgiveness as a Bridge leading us from the path of fear, ego and narcissism to the path of health, Wholeness and Self-Realization. As Stanford researcher Fred Luskin writes, “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does change the present……..” The Forgiveness Solution is the most comprehensive book yet written on this important topic, and deserves to be in the library of every clinician, as well as all those on the path of healing and recovery.
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